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The ultimate guide to a mediocre life


You too can live a mediocre life!

mediocrity
Are you sick and tired of all the self-help stuff around you? Personal productivity and personal growth just not your thing? You just want to be left alone to be who you are. Well you’ve come to the right place today.

Just follow these tips make sure that your life turns out mediocre.

  1. ignore people – who needs ‘em anyway
  2. don’t set any goals – what’s the point?
  3. stop reading – it’s too difficult especially things like productivity guides and secrets to success
  4. don’t plan for anything – we all know that stuff just happens
  5. stay in bed more – the work will still be there when you eventually get up
  6. hang around depressing people
  7. ignore your health
  8. blame everyone else for your problems
  9. remember that the world owes you something
  10. give up when things are tough
  11. don’t try anything new and criticize anyone who does
  12. don’t travel – there’s a lot of weirdos out there and you gotta be careful
  13. remind yourself that the government is out to get you
  14. listen to your critics – then get discouraged
  15. tell yourself you can’t do anything
  16. buy every useless gadget you see – can you ever have enough ginzu knives?
  17. nurture your disappointments – remind yourself that stuff just never works out for you
  18. always be afraid of failing
  19. keep as many grudges as you can – that way you know who to blame
  20. watch lots of tv – it will help develop your sense of apathy and listlessness
  21. never ask for advice – I mean come on, who’s smarter than you anyway?
  22. never really believe in anything – don’t have any passion (except maybe for beer)
  23. oh yeah and one more: always be indecisive – don’t let anyone know what you really think

Of course if this list is too difficult there is a shortcut. Just don’t do anything. Eventually you will achieve your ultimate goal of mediocrity or less!

I know the list is somewhat less than mediocre, but with your help we could raise it to a new mediocre level. What tips do you have for those aspiring to be mediocre? Let’s talk!

This entry was posted on May 05, 2007, 3:56 pm and is filed under personal growth. You can follow any responses to this entry through RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

  1. #1 by Wendy Piersall on May 05, 2007 - 5:00 pm

    HAHA! Well, I’d say that for those people who always do the exact opposite of what you tell them to do, this post will do wonders for their lives! :wink:

  2. #2 by Dave on May 05, 2007 - 5:12 pm

    Hi Wendy,
    Welcome…. I was feeling a little sarcastic today obviously. :grin: Thanks for starting the conversation.

  3. #3 by vincent on May 05, 2007 - 5:53 pm

    that’s my life in a nutshell

  4. #4 by Dave on May 05, 2007 - 5:58 pm

    Vincent,

    Thanks for stopping by. Like Wendy says, just start doing the opposite and it will do wonders for your life. Take one step today! Have an awesome day. :smile:

  5. #5 by Church of Integrity on May 05, 2007 - 11:09 pm

    That was hilarious. Great post. I started smiling already on point number 1.

  6. #6 by Dave on May 06, 2007 - 12:07 am

    Church…. welcome to daveolson.ca. Glad you enjoyed it. I was really hoping people would realize I wasn’t serious… or am I? :twisted:
    Ya’ll come back now… ya hear!

  7. #7 by Goal Setting College on May 06, 2007 - 2:29 am

    Well done. I liked #12. Haha.

  8. #8 by Dave on May 06, 2007 - 9:11 am

    Goal Setting…. welcome to daveolson.ca from Singapore… wondered why you were up at 2:29 in the morning.
    I’m glad you got a good laugh out of it and I look forwarding to more conversation with you.

  9. #9 by vivienne on May 06, 2007 - 9:53 am

    Dave, guess what I was doing while trailing down your list? Crossing and ticking, smiling and sighing. Thanks for another soul searching post :)

  10. #10 by Dave on May 06, 2007 - 10:00 am

    Vivienne… glad you enjoyed it. Hope it wasn’t too soul searching. :smile:

  11. #11 by Gerard on May 06, 2007 - 2:17 pm

    I was thinking of leaving a smart comment, but what’s the point? :lol: :lol:

  12. #12 by Dave on May 06, 2007 - 2:20 pm

    Gerard… welcome! Smart comments always welcome. It’s the serious ones that cause trouble. :lol:
    Your comments are always welcome.

  13. #13 by Phil Gerbyshak on May 06, 2007 - 3:31 pm

    Great list Dave! Fun to flip it upside down from time to time, and really think about why great is great and mediocre is not. Well done :!:

  14. #14 by Dave on May 06, 2007 - 5:14 pm

    Phil… thanks. Always welcome a thought from the make it great relationship geek. I’m finding lots of inspiration at your site. :smile:

  15. #15 by Phil Gerbyshak on May 06, 2007 - 6:34 pm

    Why thank you Dave. So glad to have you on board the Make It Great! bus. You’ve given me much food for thought too, and I look forward to learning more from you as time goes on.

  16. #16 by Dave on May 06, 2007 - 6:57 pm

    Phil… do I give my ticket to the bus driver? Now if I could just get you onto the mystery panel… hmm :smile:

  17. #17 by Goal Setting College on May 06, 2007 - 10:57 pm

    Sure Dave. I guess the time difference in Singapore was the main reason why I’m still up at 2am. By the way, I’m Ellesse. Nice blog you’ve got here!

  18. #18 by Dave on May 06, 2007 - 11:55 pm

    Ellesse… glad to meet you. Looking forward to getting to know you.

  19. #19 by Today is that Day on May 07, 2007 - 4:48 am

    Dave,

    What a great way to get people thinking, and also to point them to blog posts that will help them to think things out even more. Great stuff!

    Normally, I would say something meaningful and inspirational at this point, but why bother? By now I’m sure all of your readers are only interested in being mediocre today! :???:

    - Aaron

  20. #20 by Dave on May 07, 2007 - 5:10 am

    Aaron… anything you say is always meaningful and inspirational. :grin:

  21. #21 by Simonne on May 07, 2007 - 6:02 am

    Number 23 sounds great! Especially if you apply it to all other 22 points :grin:

    I’ve just discovered your blog and I like it already.

  22. #22 by Dave on May 07, 2007 - 7:13 am

    Hi Simonne…
    Awe… :oops: Welcome.. glad you’ve found something enjoyable here. Don’t be a stranger.

  23. #23 by Dawud Miracle on May 07, 2007 - 5:53 pm

    Funny you should ask, Dave. When I bought my last ginzu, I ‘acted now’ and got a second set – absolutely free. But wait, there’s more…

    I’d like to take a stab at adding two more bullet points…

    1. Don’t blog because you know it’s only for teenage girls and geeks.
    2. Remember that you religion/spirituality is the only right one. Everyone else is either lost or going to hell.

  24. #24 by Dave on May 07, 2007 - 8:03 pm

    Sorry Dawud… I didn’t mean to single out ginzu knives… I know some people love them and what’s not to love.. :smile:

    Now you’re messin’ with me… I thought blogs were for geeks :shock:

    You are messin’ with me right?

  25. #25 by Dawud Miracle on May 07, 2007 - 8:58 pm

    If I had ginzu I wouldn’t tell ya…keep you guessin’

    Of course I’m playing around – except where I’m not.

  26. #26 by Dave on May 07, 2007 - 9:16 pm

    In that case… here catch this ginzu… :smile:

  27. #27 by Dan on May 08, 2007 - 10:37 am

    :razz: I really enjoy this post, I already printed it and put it in front of my computer, so I can start each day with a big smile reading the list.

  28. #28 by Dave on May 08, 2007 - 10:40 am

    Hey Dan,

    Glad you enjoyed it. :smile: May it motivate you to rise to the great heights above mediocrity. :grin: Thanks for stopping in and joining the conversation.

  29. #29 by Dawud Miracle on May 08, 2007 - 10:56 am

    Duck!

  30. #30 by jv on May 08, 2007 - 2:28 pm

    meh. requires to much reading. :roll:

  31. #31 by Dave on May 08, 2007 - 2:47 pm

    Welcome JV….
    Now you’re getting into the spirit of it all. :lol: Glad you could join the party. Feel free to look around the place while you’re here.

  32. #32 by puttputt on May 12, 2007 - 4:36 am

    I stopped reading at number 3.

  33. #33 by DaveOlson on May 12, 2007 - 9:14 am

    puttputt… welcome and glad to see you are quick to act on what you read. :grin:

  34. #34 by Nick kosmitis on May 16, 2007 - 8:42 am

    That was Awesome.
    Ha Ben Stien wrote a book called….I forget.
    You shoud do abook also, it would be cool. :cool:

    Nick

  35. #35 by DaveOlson on May 16, 2007 - 10:28 am

    Nick… welcome! Glad you enjoyed it enough to say something. :smile:

  36. #36 by darkpilgrim on May 17, 2007 - 7:56 am

    To be mediocre can help you to be a spy… :razz:

  37. #37 by DaveOlson on May 17, 2007 - 9:34 am

    darkpilgrim… welcome. I’m glad you found us here.

    I suppose a spy wouldn’t want to stand out…. so…. :grin:

  38. #38 by bigjohnbird on May 17, 2007 - 4:50 pm

    Hi dave i thought in was nomal till i read your lines now i know different,g’day from downunder

  39. #39 by DaveOlson on May 17, 2007 - 8:32 pm

    welcome bigjohnbird,

    I’m glad you enjoyed it. Love having mates down under!

  40. #40 by eye-of-horus on May 18, 2007 - 6:10 pm

    Not being much given to exhortations and uplifting quotes, let me suggest one thing:

    1. If you experience the kinds of problems in the list for 2 continuous weeks or more,
    consult a competent mental health professional about depression.

    Unfortunately, onset of (unipolar) depression or a depressive phase (of bipolar depression) may have occurred. Check on Google; you’ll see that these can knock you flat when you’re young.

    It’s hard to consult someone when you feel bad. But, it’s better than thinking that you’re some kind of social or moral failure. Thinking you’re a failure is, of course, a symptom of depression itself. Exhortations to do better, to be better, solve nothing.

  41. #41 by BillF on May 19, 2007 - 4:54 pm

    I’ve been following these suggestions for a decade.
    Mediocrity is quite fulfilling. It’s low-stress and quite full of content.

    Some call it complacency, though.

  42. #42 by DaveOlson on May 19, 2007 - 5:07 pm

    Hi BillF… thanks for stopping in. I’m all for content. :smile:

  43. #43 by joshy on Jun 29, 2007 - 3:56 pm

    Hi

    This was kind of motivating . it tells you that what you must not do if you want good life. Hillarious for some. The way i look at it is , if you do this then you will have mediocre life

    Thanks

  44. #44 by DaveOlson on Jun 29, 2007 - 8:26 pm

    Hey Joshy… welcome to my place. Glad you enjoyed the article. Here’s to you having a GREAT life. :smile:

  45. #45 by jennifer on Aug 15, 2008 - 7:45 pm

    I know your list is tongue-in-cheek but it is very pompous.

    Your advice is fortune cookie wisdom that denies how many different experiences we all go through.

    No we’re not all the same.

    Try living with 3rd degree burns on your body. You would yelp at the slightest touch.

  46. #46 by DaveOlson on Aug 15, 2008 - 8:08 pm

    Jennifer… you’re right I was very tongue in cheek. Didn’t mean to come off as pompous at all. And you are absolutely right we are not all the same. 3rd degree burns would be very painful to experience. I would probably yelp, but that doesn’t mean I would give up. :smile:

  47. #47 by Eric on Oct 20, 2008 - 3:44 pm

    Pain means you’re alive, be thankful.

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