You too can live a mediocre life!
Are you sick and tired of all the self-help stuff around you? Personal productivity and personal growth just not your thing? You just want to be left alone to be who you are. Well you’ve come to the right place today.
Just follow these tips make sure that your life turns out mediocre.
- ignore people – who needs ‘em anyway
- don’t set any goals – what’s the point?
- stop reading – it’s too difficult especially things like productivity guides and secrets to success
- don’t plan for anything – we all know that stuff just happens
- stay in bed more – the work will still be there when you eventually get up
- hang around depressing people
- ignore your health
- blame everyone else for your problems
- remember that the world owes you something
- give up when things are tough
- don’t try anything new and criticize anyone who does
- don’t travel – there’s a lot of weirdos out there and you gotta be careful
- remind yourself that the government is out to get you
- listen to your critics – then get discouraged
- tell yourself you can’t do anything
- buy every useless gadget you see – can you ever have enough ginzu knives?
- nurture your disappointments – remind yourself that stuff just never works out for you
- always be afraid of failing
- keep as many grudges as you can – that way you know who to blame
- watch lots of tv – it will help develop your sense of apathy and listlessness
- never ask for advice – I mean come on, who’s smarter than you anyway?
- never really believe in anything – don’t have any passion (except maybe for beer)
- oh yeah and one more: always be indecisive – don’t let anyone know what you really think
Of course if this list is too difficult there is a shortcut. Just don’t do anything. Eventually you will achieve your ultimate goal of mediocrity or less!
I know the list is somewhat less than mediocre, but with your help we could raise it to a new mediocre level. What tips do you have for those aspiring to be mediocre? Let’s talk!
SUBSCRIBE
HAHA! Well, I’d say that for those people who always do the exact opposite of what you tell them to do, this post will do wonders for their lives!
Posted by Wendy Piersall on May 5th, 2007.
Hi Wendy,
Thanks for starting the conversation.
Welcome…. I was feeling a little sarcastic today obviously.
Posted by Dave on May 5th, 2007.
that’s my life in a nutshell
Posted by vincent on May 5th, 2007.
Vincent,
Thanks for stopping by. Like Wendy says, just start doing the opposite and it will do wonders for your life. Take one step today! Have an awesome day.
Posted by Dave on May 5th, 2007.
That was hilarious. Great post. I started smiling already on point number 1.
Posted by Church of Integrity on May 5th, 2007.
Church…. welcome to daveolson.ca. Glad you enjoyed it. I was really hoping people would realize I wasn’t serious… or am I?
Ya’ll come back now… ya hear!
Posted by Dave on May 6th, 2007.
Well done. I liked #12. Haha.
Posted by Goal Setting College on May 6th, 2007.
Goal Setting…. welcome to daveolson.ca from Singapore… wondered why you were up at 2:29 in the morning.
I’m glad you got a good laugh out of it and I look forwarding to more conversation with you.
Posted by Dave on May 6th, 2007.
Dave, guess what I was doing while trailing down your list? Crossing and ticking, smiling and sighing. Thanks for another soul searching post
Posted by vivienne on May 6th, 2007.
Vivienne… glad you enjoyed it. Hope it wasn’t too soul searching.
Posted by Dave on May 6th, 2007.
I was thinking of leaving a smart comment, but what’s the point?
Posted by Gerard on May 6th, 2007.
Gerard… welcome! Smart comments always welcome. It’s the serious ones that cause trouble.
Your comments are always welcome.
Posted by Dave on May 6th, 2007.
Great list Dave! Fun to flip it upside down from time to time, and really think about why great is great and mediocre is not. Well done
Posted by Phil Gerbyshak on May 6th, 2007.
Phil… thanks. Always welcome a thought from the make it great relationship geek. I’m finding lots of inspiration at your site.
Posted by Dave on May 6th, 2007.
Why thank you Dave. So glad to have you on board the Make It Great! bus. You’ve given me much food for thought too, and I look forward to learning more from you as time goes on.
Posted by Phil Gerbyshak on May 6th, 2007.
Phil… do I give my ticket to the bus driver? Now if I could just get you onto the mystery panel… hmm
Posted by Dave on May 6th, 2007.
Sure Dave. I guess the time difference in Singapore was the main reason why I’m still up at 2am. By the way, I’m Ellesse. Nice blog you’ve got here!
Posted by Goal Setting College on May 6th, 2007.
Ellesse… glad to meet you. Looking forward to getting to know you.
Posted by Dave on May 6th, 2007.
Dave,
What a great way to get people thinking, and also to point them to blog posts that will help them to think things out even more. Great stuff!
Normally, I would say something meaningful and inspirational at this point, but why bother? By now I’m sure all of your readers are only interested in being mediocre today!
- Aaron
Posted by Today is that Day on May 7th, 2007.
Aaron… anything you say is always meaningful and inspirational.
Posted by Dave on May 7th, 2007.
Number 23 sounds great! Especially if you apply it to all other 22 points
I’ve just discovered your blog and I like it already.
Posted by Simonne on May 7th, 2007.
Hi Simonne…
Welcome.. glad you’ve found something enjoyable here. Don’t be a stranger.
Awe…
Posted by Dave on May 7th, 2007.
Funny you should ask, Dave. When I bought my last ginzu, I ‘acted now’ and got a second set – absolutely free. But wait, there’s more…
I’d like to take a stab at adding two more bullet points…
1. Don’t blog because you know it’s only for teenage girls and geeks.
2. Remember that you religion/spirituality is the only right one. Everyone else is either lost or going to hell.
Posted by Dawud Miracle on May 7th, 2007.
Sorry Dawud… I didn’t mean to single out ginzu knives… I know some people love them and what’s not to love..
Now you’re messin’ with me… I thought blogs were for geeks
You are messin’ with me right?
Posted by Dave on May 7th, 2007.
If I had ginzu I wouldn’t tell ya…keep you guessin’
Of course I’m playing around – except where I’m not.
Posted by Dawud Miracle on May 7th, 2007.
In that case… here catch this ginzu…
Posted by Dave on May 7th, 2007.
Posted by Dan on May 8th, 2007.
Hey Dan,
Glad you enjoyed it.
May it motivate you to rise to the great heights above mediocrity. 
Thanks for stopping in and joining the conversation.
Posted by Dave on May 8th, 2007.
Duck!
Posted by Dawud Miracle on May 8th, 2007.
meh. requires to much reading.
Posted by jv on May 8th, 2007.
Welcome JV….
Glad you could join the party. Feel free to look around the place while you’re here.
Now you’re getting into the spirit of it all.
Posted by Dave on May 8th, 2007.
I stopped reading at number 3.
Posted by puttputt on May 12th, 2007.
puttputt… welcome and glad to see you are quick to act on what you read.
Posted by DaveOlson on May 12th, 2007.
[...] Olson presents The ultimate guide to a mediocre life posted at daveolson.ca – the developing blog!, saying, “a fun look at [...]
Posted by Bryan C. Fleming » Laziness, Money, and the Harvard Business School on May 12th, 2007.
That was Awesome.
Ha Ben Stien wrote a book called….I forget.
You shoud do abook also, it would be cool.
Nick
Posted by Nick kosmitis on May 16th, 2007.
Nick… welcome! Glad you enjoyed it enough to say something.
Posted by DaveOlson on May 16th, 2007.
To be mediocre can help you to be a spy…
Posted by darkpilgrim on May 17th, 2007.
darkpilgrim… welcome. I’m glad you found us here.
I suppose a spy wouldn’t want to stand out…. so….
Posted by DaveOlson on May 17th, 2007.
Hi dave i thought in was nomal till i read your lines now i know different,g’day from downunder
Posted by bigjohnbird on May 17th, 2007.
welcome bigjohnbird,
I’m glad you enjoyed it. Love having mates down under!
Posted by DaveOlson on May 17th, 2007.
Not being much given to exhortations and uplifting quotes, let me suggest one thing:
1. If you experience the kinds of problems in the list for 2 continuous weeks or more,
consult a competent mental health professional about depression.
Unfortunately, onset of (unipolar) depression or a depressive phase (of bipolar depression) may have occurred. Check on Google; you’ll see that these can knock you flat when you’re young.
It’s hard to consult someone when you feel bad. But, it’s better than thinking that you’re some kind of social or moral failure. Thinking you’re a failure is, of course, a symptom of depression itself. Exhortations to do better, to be better, solve nothing.
Posted by eye-of-horus on May 18th, 2007.
I’ve been following these suggestions for a decade.
Mediocrity is quite fulfilling. It’s low-stress and quite full of content.
Some call it complacency, though.
Posted by BillF on May 19th, 2007.
Hi BillF… thanks for stopping in. I’m all for content.
Posted by DaveOlson on May 19th, 2007.
Hi
This was kind of motivating . it tells you that what you must not do if you want good life. Hillarious for some. The way i look at it is , if you do this then you will have mediocre life
Thanks
Posted by joshy on June 29th, 2007.
Hey Joshy… welcome to my place. Glad you enjoyed the article. Here’s to you having a GREAT life.
Posted by DaveOlson on June 29th, 2007.
I know your list is tongue-in-cheek but it is very pompous.
Your advice is fortune cookie wisdom that denies how many different experiences we all go through.
No we’re not all the same.
Try living with 3rd degree burns on your body. You would yelp at the slightest touch.
Posted by jennifer on August 15th, 2008.
Jennifer… you’re right I was very tongue in cheek. Didn’t mean to come off as pompous at all. And you are absolutely right we are not all the same. 3rd degree burns would be very painful to experience. I would probably yelp, but that doesn’t mean I would give up.
Posted by DaveOlson on August 15th, 2008.
Pain means you’re alive, be thankful.
Posted by Eric on October 20th, 2008.